I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
