So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
