We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
