Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
