and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
