I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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