I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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