I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
