While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
