He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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