i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.