Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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