wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.