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I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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