Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce