im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Terrible idea I love it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain