we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.