i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"