Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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