how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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