is your mom at the bar?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
