I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
