I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
