Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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