quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
