It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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