he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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