Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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