i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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