Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
how does that bad decision feel?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
