So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
