come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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