she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
