my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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