i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
