i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
