does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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