i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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