Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
