if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
