So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
