im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
