Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Panties = found
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
