At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
