I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
