I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
