I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
