she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
