I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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