So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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