Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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