Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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