dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
