my sisters under your porch take her home
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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