I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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