dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
