Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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