He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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