you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it penis luge time yet?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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