Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
