So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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