Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
