youre lurking in front of me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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