Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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