Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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