i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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