I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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