I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
