You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
