At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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