No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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