i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
