I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
