Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
