I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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