Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
