our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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